Security

One of my all-time favorite quotes is:

"Security is not found in the absence of danger, but in the presence of Jesus."

I believe it is from John Eldredge's excellent book Captivating.

It was on my email signature for years.  I have meditated over it, prayed it and tried to seek the Lord's peace through it many a time.  Danger will come.  It's inevitable.  It takes many forms, whether physical danger, internal fear, inability to connect with others, depression, anxiety, grief, etc.  That security can still be found in the midst of these difficult times is something only from Jesus, and even for strong, grace-filled Christians, what we perceive to be security in the earthly sense is still not always felt.

As I reflect today on the first "September 11th," twelve years ago, I have found myself not thinking back to that day but rather to the week, and even night, before it.  My Junior year at Pepperdine was underway.  Life was good and promising. (With the exception of my dorm room having flooded a few days prior.  Thus, I had to relocate to another room for a couple of weeks while the mess was cleaned and the carpets were replaced.)

My memory is clear about a few moments in this period of time.  The theme was, most interestingly, patriotism.  Having been born and raised in the USA in the 80's and 90's, I never questioned my security in this country.  I felt protected but completely took it for granted.  I never analyzed my security.  I didn't need to.  It was always just there.  It wasn't something I thought about beyond feeling the occasional pride for the red, white and blue on national holidays.

Until a week prior to September 11th.  

I remember walking down the main road on campus one night, looking down at the black ocean in the (not too distant) distance.  Out of nowhere, I was overcome by the strongest sense of thankfulness for my freedom that I had ever felt in my life.  It hit me, overtook me, felt like a Holy Spirit moment when the Spirit takes a hold of you and speaks loudly to your heart and soul.  For the first time in my life, I really got what it meant to be a free, secure American, to live in a country where one can feel protected, safe, secure.  And I felt oh so thankful to God for choosing this country to be my home.  I recognized that the majority of people in this world do not live in a country that gives them this same freedom and my heart grieved deeply for them.  It was a pivotal, profound moment in my life that I'll never forget and will hold dear for the rest of my life.

Fast forward a week to the night of September 10th.  I was getting ready for bed in and (again) out of nowhere, started singing This is My Country.  My pride for America had been with me all week and this was, in a way, the grand finale of that patriotism.  I sang proudly and celebrated the words as I had never done before.  I was on fire as an American!  I couldn't have felt more joyful, thankful and secure than I was feeling then.

Of course, we all know what the following morning brought our country.  Everything changed.  This beautiful picture of American freedom that I had only recently really grabbed hold of had been stolen from me and millions of others.  The security I felt in my country was gone.  And I was devastated on so many levels.

As I have been reflecting on these moments past throughout today, I can't help but be reminded of the top quote.  Twelve years and one day ago, my sense of security was more strongly aligned with the USA than it ever had been and ever would be again.  It felt completely unshakable and I felt totally safe to place my security in the hands of this great country.  And yet, I was let down.  My freedom felt shattered the next day.

It's such a great truth for me to remember today that there's actually only One who can be wholeheartedly trusted with my security.  He willingly gave it to me as a precious gift on the day when He lost His own.  No longer do I have to settle for hoping in things (or countries) that have, and will continually let me down.  I can actually rest in the One who keeps me secure always, even in the midst of danger, uncertainty, anxiety, fear, etc.  For this, I am eternally thankful.