You know you're pregnant when...

You are watching a normal, witty episode of 30 Rock and by the end, your eyes start welling up with tears and you turn to your husband and express how "sweet and touching" the episode was while he proceeds to pass the box of Kleenex to you.   Yes, this was me last night.

Image taken from here

                                           

Other pregnancy-related emotional moments have occurred mostly in my first trimester.  A couple of these include:

~Crying at the end of Honey I Shrunk the Kids because "they're all back together again and a normal size!"

~Crying because I was badly craving carrots and we did not have any.  I was oh so grateful for Ben being sweet and patient with me and offering to run to the grocery store and pick some up.  I then proceeded to cry about how wonderful of a husband he was.  In fact, I don't think I stopped crying until after he returned from the store!

I have 10 weeks to go!  I wonder what else will trigger these extra emotions of mine...

Changing Seasons

Anyone in the Orlando area can tell you that today marks the first nice day of Fall. What does this mean to us Floridians?  It means that it's actually getting into the low 80's and 70's!!!  And oooooh is it glorious!

Ben and I talked about how extra special this year's changing seasons is because it means that we are one step closer to welcoming our little baby girl! Usually, the Fall brings anticipation for holidays, good treats and fun times with family and friends. And we are still excited about all of those things this year... but we get to add in the bundle of joy who's on her way as well!

We are thrilled!!  :-)

Pre-Engagement Counseling

Perhaps THE most important thing Ben and I did in our relationship was go to pre-engagement counseling.  Not only did the Lord use it to plant the seed in Ben's heart to one day pursue a counseling degree himself, but it also established an incredible foundation for our relationship that we are still reaping the benefits of today.  In fact, we still comment at how it was truly the best investment of any kind we could have ever made!

We had been dating for about 4 months when we went to our first session together. For those of you who are not familiar with our story, we were friends for a year and a half prior to dating, so by the time dating began, we were both quite sure this was headed for marriage.

We both struggled with fears and insecurities, desires to communicate well and be great future-spouses to one another, and in some ways we thought we were doing quite well.  But Ben thought it would be wise to bring another person into our lives, someone who would have knowledge and expertise to draw from, who could help us know whether we were really on the right track.  I was immediately on board as well, having been a fan of counseling for quite some time.

And wow were we thankful we took the leap of faith!!

We entered our first session not really sure what "issues" we even had to talk about.  I remember the counselor saying, "I think we're going to have a lot of fun together!" Ben and I loved each other deeply already and had a happy, good relationship, so perhaps pre-engagement counseling would just be talking through practical "basics" that any couple faces prior to marriage like finances and what it would mean to share the same living space together.  

Well, in the weeks that followed, counseling was not fun.  It was hard work!  We would oftentimes go in without anything specific to talk about and one of us would start by saying, "Well... there is this one little thing I am thinking about..."  That would lead the other person to become defensive and closed off.  One of us would then not express things well and offend the other person even more.  Almost always, there were tears by the end of the session (mostly from me).  It was ugly, messy, hard work and yet, leaving our sessions, worn out and drained, with the little energy that we had, we would comment that we knew this was good.  It was one of the most difficult things we had ever done.  But it was good. 

So it continued on for five months prior to our engagement.  Once we were engaged, we continued weekly sessions with our counselor and also added pre-marital counseling sessions through our church into the mix.  We were committed to building a foundation for our future marriage.  We continued to have hard sessions, which would lead to difficult conversations, which would normally lead to tears.  But over time, we began to resolve issues on our own!  Instead of bringing a new issue into the counseling room and talking through it there, we found ourselves dealing with issues prior to counseling and then talking with the counselor about the ways we had come to a resolution.  It was delightful progress! 

And so here we are today, about to celebrate 4 years of marriage and I can say with great humility, joy and thankfulness that we are pretty darn good at communicating in our marriage.  We still struggle, disagree, say the wrong things, but we have this amazing foundation set up that does not allow us to give up or sweep an issue under the rug.  We are well-trained to deal with the issues.  And for that, we are so grateful to our counselor(s) and to the Lord for giving us supernatural strength in the tough times.

There are many, many other aspects of our pre-engagement counseling experience (how we grew individually and as a couple, how we have come to understand grace more, the freedom we have experienced, and on and on) that I could share but for the sake of keeping this post from getting too lengthy, I'll keep it at that.

Thinking beyond today

Now that Ben's semester is well underway, and I'm working a lot and sleeping less (third trimester thing), when we have time together, we are oftentimes focused on the here and now, the to-do list, and the daily catch-up.  We try to sneak in conversations about bigger picture things, what God is teaching us, how we're being challenged and growing (my belly included!).  They are a bit harder to come by these days.  One of these conversations did happen, through, a couple of weeks ago.  I think it was a rainy Sunday afternoon.  

Ben had been reading this verse below and it led us to a beautiful conversation about Heaven, hope, God's glory revealed and other refreshing thoughts.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.       ~ 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Ben observed Paul's use of the word "light" in verse 17.  That word typically refers to God's light, bringing light to a dark world, etc.  This time, Paul uses it in reference to our troubles here on earth.  Light troubles. That can almost seem like an oxymoron in this world! So Ben and I talked about this, about how if these troubles (which seem so dark and heavy at times) are actually light in comparison to the weight of eternal glory that's coming, we must be in for a glorious, joyous treat when we enter Heaven's gates (or when Jesus returns).  

We then started dreaming about Heaven together.  We shared our imaginations and felt like little children dreaming of their futures as firemen and ballerinas.  For a time, we escaped from this world and took a glorious journey, dreaming together with childlike wonder about Heaven, about God's glory and how unfathomable it really is (but how fun it is to make guesses).  

It was true refreshment for us both.     

A Video of Us

This short video expands on the Our Story section of our website.  It shares more about Ben's career change, how he was led by the Lord to get his counseling degree, and which clients he sees himself working with in the future.  It is also a chance for us to say THANK YOU for being in our lives and includes ways you can come alongside us in this season.
Enjoy!

Security

One of my all-time favorite quotes is:

"Security is not found in the absence of danger, but in the presence of Jesus."

I believe it is from John Eldredge's excellent book Captivating.

It was on my email signature for years.  I have meditated over it, prayed it and tried to seek the Lord's peace through it many a time.  Danger will come.  It's inevitable.  It takes many forms, whether physical danger, internal fear, inability to connect with others, depression, anxiety, grief, etc.  That security can still be found in the midst of these difficult times is something only from Jesus, and even for strong, grace-filled Christians, what we perceive to be security in the earthly sense is still not always felt.

As I reflect today on the first "September 11th," twelve years ago, I have found myself not thinking back to that day but rather to the week, and even night, before it.  My Junior year at Pepperdine was underway.  Life was good and promising. (With the exception of my dorm room having flooded a few days prior.  Thus, I had to relocate to another room for a couple of weeks while the mess was cleaned and the carpets were replaced.)

My memory is clear about a few moments in this period of time.  The theme was, most interestingly, patriotism.  Having been born and raised in the USA in the 80's and 90's, I never questioned my security in this country.  I felt protected but completely took it for granted.  I never analyzed my security.  I didn't need to.  It was always just there.  It wasn't something I thought about beyond feeling the occasional pride for the red, white and blue on national holidays.

Until a week prior to September 11th.  

I remember walking down the main road on campus one night, looking down at the black ocean in the (not too distant) distance.  Out of nowhere, I was overcome by the strongest sense of thankfulness for my freedom that I had ever felt in my life.  It hit me, overtook me, felt like a Holy Spirit moment when the Spirit takes a hold of you and speaks loudly to your heart and soul.  For the first time in my life, I really got what it meant to be a free, secure American, to live in a country where one can feel protected, safe, secure.  And I felt oh so thankful to God for choosing this country to be my home.  I recognized that the majority of people in this world do not live in a country that gives them this same freedom and my heart grieved deeply for them.  It was a pivotal, profound moment in my life that I'll never forget and will hold dear for the rest of my life.

Fast forward a week to the night of September 10th.  I was getting ready for bed in and (again) out of nowhere, started singing This is My Country.  My pride for America had been with me all week and this was, in a way, the grand finale of that patriotism.  I sang proudly and celebrated the words as I had never done before.  I was on fire as an American!  I couldn't have felt more joyful, thankful and secure than I was feeling then.

Of course, we all know what the following morning brought our country.  Everything changed.  This beautiful picture of American freedom that I had only recently really grabbed hold of had been stolen from me and millions of others.  The security I felt in my country was gone.  And I was devastated on so many levels.

As I have been reflecting on these moments past throughout today, I can't help but be reminded of the top quote.  Twelve years and one day ago, my sense of security was more strongly aligned with the USA than it ever had been and ever would be again.  It felt completely unshakable and I felt totally safe to place my security in the hands of this great country.  And yet, I was let down.  My freedom felt shattered the next day.

It's such a great truth for me to remember today that there's actually only One who can be wholeheartedly trusted with my security.  He willingly gave it to me as a precious gift on the day when He lost His own.  No longer do I have to settle for hoping in things (or countries) that have, and will continually let me down.  I can actually rest in the One who keeps me secure always, even in the midst of danger, uncertainty, anxiety, fear, etc.  For this, I am eternally thankful.      

The Second Trimester

This has been, far and away, one of the most exciting seasons of my life, if not the most exciting.  The second trimester is what I'm referring to here.  The first, as shared about here, was tough.  This trimester, thankfully, has been awesome!

My appetite has returned to pretty much normal (although, I still find myself with some "first trimester aversions" which are things I could only eat in those first months, like avocados and orange juice, I can't eat now!).  I am even now waking up in the middle of the night for a snack - Baby Girl is gettin' hungry!

My favorite part has been watching my belly grow and feeling Baby move inside of me.  It's wild!  There are some weeks where I feel like every day I gain an inch around my belly!  And those sweet flutters by sweet Baby are, well, so so sweet.  Ben has gotten to feel her move a few times too which has resulted in beautiful moments shared between *our family*.  Love it!

Below are some pictures taken a couple of weeks ago by our very talented friend Brandy Nicks.  (She also took the pics on our website!)  These are Ben, Baby and me in the prime of our second trimester.  Enjoy!

And here are a few extras of our current little family... Ben, Laurie, Baby and Ruffles!

GriefShare

Link to image

When I (Ben) was first told that I was going to have to conduct over 150 hours of group therapy as part of my counseling program, I remember feeling really drawn to GriefShare, a support group for people who have suffered recent loss of a loved one.  Having been through grief myself with the loss of my brother Luke, I felt like I had some idea of how to be with people during this painful time.  I also had a bit of a selfish motive: I wanted to get more grief-based therapy myself.

I went to the first meeting, excited about the possibility of helping others going through the grief process.  That first night I heard over 20 people share their stories of recent loss of a loved one.  Some people were so overwhelmed that they literally could not speak more than a few words.  Immediately, I began feeling uncomfortable and wondering what I was doing here.  It was almost too overwhelming to listen to all these tragic stories in one sitting.

Despite being very uncomfortable that first week, I came back and was incredibly blessed in the next 13 weeks.  We started watching a GriefShare video series.  The first video talked about how grief was unique to each person.  This was great for me to hear because I had seen from my own experience how differently people can respond to the same situation.

Each week, after watching the video we split up into smaller groups.  It was in this group where I saw amazing transformations in peoples' lives.  I saw people, who literally in the first week could not talk, begin to change and even become encouraging and supportive to others in the group.  I couldn't believe how quickly people were transformed through this group.  It was powerful.  It was humbling knowing that the Lord was able to use me here, even in a small way.

After leading another incredible GriefShare group over the summer, I decided to try my hand at something else so I began co-leading an addictions recovery group for men.  I am only a few weeks into this group but already I am being stretched in a new way and am excited to see the Lord work in the lives of the members of this group.

For more information on GriefShare, visit their website (www.griefshare.org) or click here.

The First 3 Months

Ben and I the day we found out we were going to have a baby! 

My first "baby" picture!  We found out on my birthday which was so special.

It is still hard for me to fathom that there is a little baby growing inside of ME!  It's so surreal and wonderful and scary and amazing all at once.  For the most part, I absolutely love being pregnant...in the second trimester. :)  The first couple of months were really difficult to get through.  I was nauseous and tired ALL the time.  Thus, my energy level was the lowest it's perhaps ever been.

The biggest surprise, though, was that I lost my appetite for many of my favorite foods!  Even pasta with tomato sauce which has always been a staple in my diet.  Saltine crackers fell off of the "acceptable foods" list, along with soup, rice and beans, and, well nearly everything that would usually taste good to me when I'm not feeling well.  It was very challenging to find food that I could stand to eat.  Papa John's cheese pizza actually made the cut!  It became a weekly staple for a little while.

Ben was a HUGE help during this time!  He said that he felt the Lord giving him extra strength, peace and assurance as he was my caretaker for these months.  He made me breakfast in bed nearly every morning, did all of the cooking and cleaning, and was such a strong encouragement to me.  At the same time, he was taking four challenging classes, leading a counseling group and seeing clients nearly every night!  I still don't know how he did it; makes perfect sense that the Holy Spirit was providing him with supernatural strength and energy.

There were some days when I almost didn't even believe that I was pregnant!  In the first trimester, your belly stays the same (or in my case, got smaller as I struggled to eat!), so the visual signs of pregnancy were not there.  I wondered if I had just caught a bad flu!  Thus, the doctor's appointments were key.  It was there that we got to hear Baby's heartbeat and, at our first appointment, saw our first ultrasound of Baby.  It was a thrill!!

Throughout this time, I prayed that my nausea would ease up and that my energy would come back in time for the second trimester.  And boy was I ever so thankful that this happened!!

Kids Ministry

I (Laurie) wear many hats during the week.  I work in an administrative capacity at both Reformed Theological Seminary and the Oviedo Counseling Clinic (where Ben does his counseling internship).  I also am privileged to work as a Kids Ministry Assistant at Lake Baldwin Church.  This position has allowed me to use some of the knowledge and skills I acquired through my Master's program.  For those of you who do not know, I have a Master's Degree in School Counseling.  So it is very rewarding for me to work with kids and share God's love with them in this capacity.

My favorite aspect of this role is to plan and lead a monthly worship service for the kids, ages 2-11.  This combines my passion for kids with my passion for music, while at the same time focusing it all on the goal of the kids knowing God more.  It's a winning combo!  Each week, the 2-4 year old children come in for a 15 minute worship time where we pray together, sing songs, play musical instruments, and dance and act silly.  I try to create an environment that is filled with JOY for these little ones as they absorb some truth through the lyrics and enjoy the music.  It is always a fun time.

I get to be with the 5-11 year old kids for about 45 minutes each month.  In this time, I have not only sought to give them time to learn and sing worship songs and watch worship videos but to become more familiar with what it means to give praise to God for the happenings in our daily lives.  So each month, we have a 5-10 minute time of sharing praises for the month.  The kids seem to appreciate this time very much.  We give all glory to God for the blessings that they share.  This time also helps me to get to know their stories better.  We also have a church member give a short devotion and we end our time with a Bible game.  I have also been working with them on a song that we will be singing in church next month!  

My life has been blessed tremendously through this role.  I have been challenged and have learned more about what kids ministry looks like "behind the scenes."  It's hard work!  But such rewarding work.

Welcome!

Welcome to the online home of Ben and Laurie Mills!  We are thrilled to have this "home" to share with you and to communicate through.  We are gearing up for an exciting Fall semester.  Ben's text books are being purchased and his summer classes are winding down.  Hard to believe that the summer is coming to a close!

As you can see, at the top of this website are links to pages on our blog.  

Our Story is where you can go to read a letter from us sharing our story and our invitation to join us in this season.  If you have not read it already, we invite you to do so!

Join Our Support Team provides all of the information you will need to, well, join us in this journey!  We are looking for prayer partners and financial supporters.  You can also subscribe to receive our Email Newsletter.  It makes us thrilled to be inviting you to join in on the work God is doing here!  

Or you can go directly to Subscribe to Email Lists and start receiving our updates!  You can sign up to join our prayer team here as well.

Check back for new blog posts and updates!